RETRENCHMENT AND RESILIENCE
This post is contributed by One Drop member – Faith Teo.
Retrenchment isn’t something new in my family’s lives.
– From age 18 to 34, I’ve been retrenched 4 times in my career.
– In 2007, the Singapore Armed Forces let go of my hubs, Jon, after 13 years in the military.
– My dad has been retrenched in his 40s after serving a company faithfully for 27 years. This year, he almost got retrenched again, if not for the grace of his boss who intervened and asked him to go for job retraining.
Retrenchment SUCKS big time. The first time when I was retrenched when I was 21, whoa, I remembered I spent 1 month dazed and ashamed at home. I remembered feeling defeated and thinking that I wasn’t good enough, why is this happening to me, the world isn’t fair and so on.
As I got older, I woke up. Especially there was this time when I was laid off from Thomson-Reuters at the same time my dad was also laid off. Whoa. That was a double whammy. That was also the time that my hubs was already jobless from the army. Triple threat.
The sudden real need to struggle and worry about finances.
My mom asking me for money to pay the bills.
Funding my sister’s education.
Feeding a family of five (parents, hubs, sis and me).
When I landed into Citi 4 months later, I remembered walking in with a very clear head. The contract I have negotiated for was very attractive. I have gotten a 50% pay raise and I was promoted to manager.
Sounds peachy right?
But I remembered sitting down at my desk and thinking… “The life of an employee is not the life I want. I want more control over the source and creation of my income. I want to choose how my environment is like. I will not tolerate to be sacrificed just because of a change of company direction / outsourcing / reorganisation.”
The book Rich Dad Poor Dad literally changed my outlook on my financial life. Then Young Living came 3 years later and the rest is history till today.
Some things i’m actually grateful to RETRENCHMENT for:
- It taught me A LOT about RESILIENCE and GRIT.
- It got me very clear on my strengths and what skills I can leverage myself on to get to a better place.
- It literally opened my eyes. How many colleagues do you have that is in their 60s, 70s? Especially in senior or managerial positions. Don’t count the tea lady or the cleaner. My guess is, very little. Or none.
- It pushes me to expand my life view beyond just my job, my performance metrics, my boss, my team, paying the bills and putting food on the table.
- Focus on the present. This very moment. Am I breathing? Yup. In good health? Yes. Do I have my brains? Oh yes. Then everything is possible and nothing is impossible.
- S T R E E E E E T C H me outta my comfort zone.
- Challenge me to dare to hold the belief that I can thrive in adversity and not just be a passive and resigned participant. After all since I’m already paying the price for retrenchment (hello shame and doubt, I don’t welcome you!), I want to look back one day and say, I’m grateful I got retrenched because…..
Regardless what happens in my life thereafter, what I’ve learnt above, will never be taken away from me, unlike an income.
I wrote this article not because I wanted to champion how strong or how brilliant I am. Rather I wrote this post because I understand there are people out there, perhaps in this group, perhaps people you know, who ARE worried / stressed about losing their jobs or getting a pay cut. Or already have.
I get you. I do. I’ve been there too. That anxiety, that despair, the bone gnawing worry that keeps you up awake at night. Breaking down. The tears.
((( Hugs )))
Here’s some tools and oils that could be helpful. It could be wise to use a combination of both. Pick the ones that draw you in.
Simply put, our thoughts and words shape our reality in time so being intentional in our thoughts help us too, to create the reality we want too.
Here’s a simple way to change our perspective by changing the words we use. Pick a situation that you are unhappy or frustrated with. For example, you could be unhappy with work. (Ok I can hear your mind going off at 1000 miles an hour on how much you don’t like it.)
Then say or write this sentence:
“I GET to do this work because….”
“I get to do this work because I can provide for my family.”
“I get to do this work and get to pick up new skills at the same time.”
“I get to do this work and practice being resilient too when times are stressful.”
Keep building up this list! How do you feel now after the exercise?
I noticed that when I feel stuck in a emotion and keep going round in circles, one of the most helpful things I can do for myself is to BREAK STATE.
What is break state? In NLP terms (google Neuro Linguistic Programming if you want to know more about it), a break state is a sudden change in the context of speaking or movement that changes a person’s state quickly.
It could be as simple as going for a walk. The other method I like, is to stand up and move my body. Even doing some quick jogging on the spot helps too. The mind and body are interconnected so if your mind is feeling stuck on an emotion you don’t want, move your body to shift your mind.
WRITE / SOUND RECORD
If you don’t have the option to speak to an empathetic friend about your troubles, write down your thoughts and how you feel. Give yourself permission to just rant – there’s no need to be politically correct or censor yourself.
Don’t like writing? Then take your smart phone and pull out the audio recording app in it. Most phones come with it (or you can downoad). Then off you go, offload how you feel!
YOUNG LIVING ESSENTIAL OILS
Oils to help:
I noticed when I feel stuck in a yucky emotion, I am also unsettled, unsteady and uneasy. I like Grounding because it helps me to find my footing and have a sense of being anchored into stability and strength. I need that in order to start saving myself from that situation.
With negative emotions, I realised that I could hold on to it for yokes even after the event has passed. Case in point, I was actually still traumatised by retrenchment, even FIVE years after it has happened and I’m already in a good place. Emotions can affect my hormones and thus my health so releasing is so important for me.
With Release, if you are working on anger, try applying it over your liver (right of your tummy). Grief? Over your lungs.
So often I found myself resisting what I am feeling and thinking. I tried to play it down, distract myself, avoid it. Or keep thinking about the past where things are better or dream of escaping into the future where all this is behind me.
But the present is where my powers and abilities are. Present Time goes a long way for me to practice acceptance of the current situation. Because once I stop resisting and accepting it, my mind is more able to find solutions around it.
When I am stuck on a belief and I am HURTING because it does not serve me, I use Transformation.
Transformation is my gentle way of shifting gradually into a new mindset that supports me moving towards what I want. This was also one of my most powerful oils to help me make the transition from being an employee to being a successful entreprenuer when I was filled with so many doubts on whether I could actually do it.
How to apply:
With these oils, my favourite place to apply is my forehead, temples and on my chest.
Would you like to let the wisdom of your body decide? Then drip the oil on your cupped palms, and ask quietly, “Where does my body need this oil?” Then let your hands drop. You may find that your hands will instinctively go to that place that much needed it. We have trigger points all over our body and you might actually be drawn to applying the oil on one of them that helps you to work through your emotions too.
If you are in this space, I invite you to take a step back, mentally, where you are at.
One breath at a time.
Even if you are bitter, angry, resigned.
This soon (maybe not soon enough for us all) shall pass.
Till then, CHOOSE to find that gem of wisdom within your experience to grow from.
Forge ahead, no matter what, because I believe in the best version of you.
You are seen.
You are heard.
You are loved.
With all my heart,
I hope this article is helpful. Drop me a comment or question on FB (Faith Teo) or IG @bibibabubi. I’m usually creating content too at the FB group, Let’s Add Oil – you are so welcome to join me there too.